Survivor's Guilt

I should have known when my hair wouldn't cooperate this morning and insisted on being parted on the right (instead of on the left like I've parted it every day of my life for as long as I can remember), that today wasn't going to be a normal day. Even when the coffee pot made hot water instead of coffee this morning, I still didn't get the hint. It wasn't until I arrived at work this morning to the news of layoffs that I realized how much life had changed in a mere 14 hours.

Luckily I'm still employed, but not everyone on my team was so lucky and I'm feeling an enormous amount of guilt right now. I know its irrational for me to feel guilty, but I can't help it. I feel for those that were sent home today and for their families. I want to tell management to cut my salary, take away my promotion, eliminate my benefits...do anything to keep these people employed - and at the same time I feel a certain sense of relief and gratefulness that I wasn't the one packing up my personal belongings and being escorted out of the building. I also feel a sense of foreboding and uncertainty. I made the cut today, but how long will my luck last. I guess all I can do is embrace the survivor's guilt, and be comforted in the fact that I'm not going to be spending my night trying to figure out where to line up for an unemployment check tomorrow.